Never…

…expect anything from anyone…the less expectations you the higher wil be the surprise when people will exceed them. And you will be happier.

I am smiling as soon as I find something that I never thought will be possible becomes suddenly alive!

Well, this is a lesson learned the hard way.

From now on, I will never say anything to anyone because I do not want to intrude on their lives and I hate to feel like I am bothering people…

And now to continue with my depression and my crying session:  it seems I cannot stop the flow of these tears…and I wonder why…maybe because I feel like I do not belong anywhere or to anyone, or maybe I am just being too sensitive because the holidays are coming and I see everywhere couples…

I see myself alone, depressed, ugly and fat.. I feel like shit and I want to curl in my bed and never get out in  the world…. The world doesn’t need me anyway…nobody will miss me anyway…why would they? I did nothing remarkably enough to be remembered by…

I do not paint, I do not sing nor do I write nor do I act… So…ahh…never mind…it’s not important – the same as me.

All I want and all I will do tonight and tomorrow – is to curl in my bed and hide under the covers whle thinking of my dead grandmother and crying myself asleep – thinking that nobody gives a shit on me.

Well, I do have friends, but friends are different from a lover or a soulmate… This is what I am missing… it’s not the sex, it’s the warm embrace you receive at the end of the day and the nice words you hear before you fall asleep…
No man will ever love me for who I am…I am weird indeed and  I am complicated, of course I am!!! I am not smple, but all I want in this life is someone who will chase after me and cal me his last love and I to call him my last love….

But faith is unkind to me and lets me wander around like a lost puppy looking for his master….well I am not a lost puppy!!!

I am a Taurus! I will cry my heart out now and then I will seal it away with concrete and with tight security so nobody will see my weaknesses or my inner heart.

As a friend told me – I give up my soul too easily and this is why everybody wants to trash me out – I am too EASY! Well, NO MORE!

If there is a guy out there, he will jump through hoops and fire before he can reach my soul or my bed!

That would be all.

I feel much better now that everything is out there.

This is a blog for my soul and anyone who reads it has access to my soul and can see the true colors of myself….

Good night!

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