Always & Forever

I will have you in my heart, but you are not worthy of my time, my dearest love.

Just for you my love, I know you will never feel the same way I do for you, but I have to write this off my chest!

Well, that went awesome! :)))

I gotta stop wasting my time on damn dimwitts =)) and half-assed men !

Hopefully this was a lesson learned!

Though indeed I have strong feelings, I cannot allow myself to be the medicine or cure for a person who does not feel the same way about me.

I am cursed to be alone and alone I shall die!

Thank you for opening my eyes!

Once again I am destroyed an broken to ieces by the same person who did it to me for 4 years… and I still long for him.. I am a masochist… because I love the way he hurts me…

Everytime I say it’s the last time, I find myself in his arms as if I am his slave…Emotionally he fucked me up really good and messed me up  a lot. Now I seek all the pain he inflicted to feel any pleasure at all…

Does that make any sense? Of course it doesn’t! It’s toxic and it’s a killer but I ….I feel for him…and I cannot confess this to him…he will laugh at me or just dismiss me…

Here I am at 4 AM in the morning, longing for a person who does not give a shit about me, but I would give my soul to the DEVIL if I could have his heart to be mine and mine alone…

Why am I like this? What has he done to me that he made me so addicted to him?! Why can’t I cure myself of him…

Is it becuse I know what he feels like when he thinks of his mother? Is it because I have seen him at his worst? Is it because … I saw him crying in my arms, only to leave me and forget about me in 2 days?

Why?! WHY!? Why does this toxicity make me crave for more of his presence in my life?!

With one word from him he can raise me or throw me to the ground…that strong is the hold he has on me…

Unfortunately for me, he does not feel the same way for me.
I am just a comfort pillow. I am nothing more than that….

I just wish he’d see me and feel what I feel for him….

I know that is never possible…so I’ll be crying myself to sleep and I’ll try not to think of him…






Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s