…is when you re-read what you have written over the years about feelings and realise that you have been whoring around yourself with your heart on your sleeve and nothing came out of it.

In the past I wrote something about what I was feeling but that something was not real, I know this only now because in this second, in this moment I know I have something real: he is here with me and he is feeling the same way.. I mean, after all, he left his job and accommodation just to stay with me and concentrate on our lives.

This means something real is happening and I need to hold on to it and treasure it and do my very best to improve and become the very best version of myself. I know I am not right or very much ok with my situation, but things can always get improved. So I will do everything in my power to be the best and work things out with this and have the life I have always dreamed of: a house, a husband (though I never want kids, I might change my mind in this regard) and understanding and an unbreakable bond between us. My feelings and my heart are in the right place now and I want to keep them that way.

Nothing will stand in my way and there is nothing I would not do to make our dreams a reality!

So many thoughts and feelings…so many things to do and places to visit and see; all of which I want to do with him and I want to see him smile always! He has a bright and warm smile and his embrace is all the medicine I need to keep my spirits up and going.

I’m going to promise myself that I will not deny my feelings no longer and I will do everything to show him that I care and to show him how much he means to me…I think I’m ready now to let go of the past and burry it at the back where it belongs and I will let myself go and live my life and the present moment with him and I will not think about the future. Just to live in this moment is a strong power. I got the will to reach this step and from now on I will reach even further, but not alone, together; we will do GREAT things! And our lives have just begun and I will make sure every day will be a beautiful memory and a beautiful feeling.

I can and I will! Just WATCH ME! 😉

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